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Like Argentina’s Gabriel Batistuta, you dazzle defenders with swift footwork, not brute strength. This is not American football and you are not Pro-Bowl tackle-monster Warren Sapp.  The object is not to butt heads with the defense. Your mission, rather, is to make their legs wobble with your skill, or, make her legs wobble with your charm. Choose your poison: make her laugh or giggle (giggle seems to be a better sign of wobbling), offer her a drink or two, or three, or four and keep those sweet compliments coming. Before you know it, your right hand, currently resting on her soft shoulders, makes its move. Her right hand meets yours as an imaginary crowd senses a duel in the making. Your right hand moves downward while hers quietly tracks yours. The crowd starts to buzz with excitement. With no help, your right hand will go directly into the waiting palm of her right hand — excellent defense, poor offense. However, with the assistance of teammates, your chances improve. So your right hand continues to prowl, and your wit delivers the perfect pass: a joke that makes her softly giggle. Whoa! Her defenses are down; your right hand sees the opening and gently rests on the first of three conquests. Hair on the back of your neck stand and scream in unison — Gooooooaaaaalllll!!!! Score: 1-nil.Action continues on the pitch. The defense knows it has awakened your offensive artillery, thus it expects another salvo. Flirty repartee in between kisses ensues after the first goal. Back and forth you go. Offense and defense refuse to blink. With the exchange of saliva on a seesaw pace, your left hand starts to gain speed. The mammoth crowd buzzes anew with anticipation. Her left hand sees yours coming and quickly tries to intercept. But just as she aims to kick the ball out of play, you confuse the defense with fancy footwork, or in this case fancy use of naughty semantics, again making her giggle like a teenager with a crush, leaving your left hand and her left hand one-on-one. Her giggling, reinforced by your effective caressing of her spotless fingers, softens the defense and creates a 2-on-1 opportunity. There is no contest. Goooooaaaalllllllll!!!!!!!! Score: 2-nil. With her lips amply warmed by yours and her breasts amply covered by the gorgeous moonlight and your innocently probing hands, the offense is left with no recourse but to go for the jugular, reach the peak of Mt. Everest, the promised land, the land of milk and honey. It is time to blitz through the gates of heaven. Like the thoroughbreds who have stormed under the banner of popular teams like Barcelona, Real Madrid, Manchester United, Liverpool, Juventus, Inter Milan and many more, a second goal prompts a thirst for the third. With the score pegged at 2-nil, momentum clearly on your side, your gentle hands clear the way for the final run. Your flirtatious wit, comforting charm combined with the magical effect of booze by the sea, have rendered the defense careless and helpless with legs too tired and too charmed to keep in step. Dark clouds suddenly cover the wide-eyes of the moon dropping a blanket of erotic darkness on the beach. All we hear is the sound of a last offensive set. The defense moans in anticipation. The offense breathes heavily as it begins its charge. Through our vivid imagination, we liken the scene to a well-executed play. With no offside penalty in sight and crisp passing between teammates, the ball beautifully moves across the pitch, untouched by the defense. The crowd gets ready to erupt as the striker approaches the goalkeeper. At this point, the keeper is as weary as she is willing. We hear a snap of the ball, presumably kicked gently yet firmly towards the net, in between goal posts as smooth as a Bruce Hornsby tune, as lips like Sheryl Crowe’s open wide to proclaim with orgasmic conviction —Goooooaaaalllllllll!!!!!!!! Score: 3-nil. Felicity fell down a cliff in last month’s Pangako sa ‘Yo, bringing relief to thousands of housewives who followed the ABS-CBN soap opera, and grief to thousands of hot-blooded Pinoys who locked themselves inside a closet to get their daily dose of Michelle Bayle. Michelle, 22, is unfazed. Star Cinema, her home studio, has big things lined up for this former cheerleader. In addition to her sitcom Attagirl, she’s scheduled to appear in a slew of new movies (three so far this year), and is proving to be a dependable and versatile host in the noontime show MTB. Her designation as the Yehey! babe was met with widespread approval as nerds everywhere pondered the existence of the ultimate fantasy: a bombshell who can do splits and partition hard disks. We sat down with Michelle for a little chit-chat and here’s what we came back with: So, is Philippine show business weird enough for you? Actually I’ve prepared myself. They told me, ‘Dapat very strong ang character and personality mo.’ I’m ready for anything, but it’s a lot tougher than I had expected. I used to get enough sleep, but nowadays, it’s just mind over matter. You used to be a cheerleader in Canada... Yeah, I used to be a cheerleader for the Toronto Argonauts in Canada for over a year. Is it any different with being in showbiz here? Not really. You’re also treated like a celebrity, and you also do swimsuit calendars and charity work. Is it anything like that movie Bring it On? Yeah, we had lots of dance routines and stunts. We had to look mature and sexy and very athletic as well. It definitely worked for me in my work here in local showbiz for dancing, coordination and discipline. I want to be a triple threat, a versatile artist. Although my forte talaga is dancing, I’ve come to love acting. I’ve been practicing in front of the mirror, you know... Are you athletic? I consider myself to be. When I was younger I tried basketball, but basically I did a lot of cheerleading, which is considered a sport na rin. Especially in Canada where cheerleaders are considered athletes. I studied some ballet, so I can do the splits, cartwheels and backbends, stuff like that. But I do more of the ballet, street hiphop, and jazz.  Do you think you’ll ever be attracted to a couch potato? Never. I like active guys, guys who can match and keep up with me and my lifestyle. Is it hard to keep up with you? Not at all. I’m an easy person to be with; I’m easy to please and everything. I love doing everything, anything. In my spare time I work out, I watch movies, read fashion magazines, listen to music, and travel. Does it bug you that people see you as a sexy star? Not at all. The confidence is there, but I’ve set my limitations. I know where to draw the line: no bold yet. The operative word being “yet”. Ayaw kong magsalita ng tapos, but I’m so new in the business. And there’s so much to do and I’m still trying to hone my skills in acting, singing and dancing. One step at a time. I’m not in a hurry. You played Felicity in Pangako sa ‘Yo and Gerry in Attagirl, which character do you identify with? I’m somewhere in between. I’m not the total martyr na would-give-up-everything-for-love kind. I’m very level-headed when it comes to that. I’m very practical, but I also know how to have fun, be carefree and outgoing like Gerry. What do people ask you when they see you at the malls? ‘Nasaan si Angelo?’ I get that all the time when we go to the provinces or do motorcades. They always call me Felicity, Simplicity, Fertility... Someone once saw me eating green mangoes while I was in Bohol, he came up to me and said, ‘Aha! Buntis ka talaga!’ They take the show so seriously... Anybody ever take it personally? Wala pa naman, but I’ve had people tell me, ‘Huwag mong aagawin si Angelo, ha?’ or ‘H’wag mong sasaktan si ganito or ganyan...’ It’s a strange business, but I’m still having fun. JSJ |
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